FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
