so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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