If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
