i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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