I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
