That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
