I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize