i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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