so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
