where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
