trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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