my vag is so smooth its legendary
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
