Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
