if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
