i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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