i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
