I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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