Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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