just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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