Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
