Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
