erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
