God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
