i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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