I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
