I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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