did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
