im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
