I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
