Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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