i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
