I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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