I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
