Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
