Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
