I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
