dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
