I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
