cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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