haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
