there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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