he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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