awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
God, I missed his penis.
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