Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
