Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
