you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My dick has a subreddit
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I would ride that face into the sunset
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
