Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im holly from the hills drunk
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Bring me that man meat
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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