My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And then he peed in my hair
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