I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
