I love having hate sex.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
