i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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