hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
