im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize