Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
