Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
