Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
