Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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