I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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