The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
