Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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