does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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